Emily Brooks

Anxiety doesn’t have to control your life. Whether you struggle with social anxiety, generalized anxiety, or situational anxiety, you can have the final say over what you do and don’t do.

For some reason, I have had more anxiety lately than usual, and I have had to decide more than once if I was going to do the courageous thing or stay home.

I have learned to do the courageous thing.

It has taken time to get here, but I have learned some things that have helped make the choice easier. Last weekend, I used these strategies on my way to the Tennessee Writing Conference. While my anxiety was minimal, I have been able to do these things even when my anxiety was more extreme.

1. Acknowledge the anxiety for what it is

On it’s own, anxiety is a weak opponent. We give it power when we overthink it.

A therapist told me once that anxiety seeks a reason to exist, and so we can actually strengthen it by trying to find the “reason” that we feel off. Because I’ve had more “off” moments lately, it’s tempting to try and understand why. But in doing so, we can actually self-sabotage by avoiding the things we think are making us anxious, and avoidance only strengthens fear.

Now, there are things that may be making us anxious that we need to avoid if they are inherently bad for us, such as doom scrolling or toxic relationships. Or if we are anxious because our life is chaotic, and we can make changes, then I think we should.

But other times, avoidance keeps us from doing things that are harmless or even good for us. Then, when we call these things “triggers,” we give them power to control us.

Another way we give anxiety power is by assuming we are spiraling out of control. I used to think this every time I felt anxious. I would assume that I would be anxious for the next several hours or even days. But by believing this, I often made it true. Now, I’ve learned to approach anxiety as a momentary feeling that will pass. And it usually does.

2. Have an escape route

On Saturday, my husband dropped me off at the conference, so I didn’t have my own car. But I also knew that he wasn’t far away if I needed him to pick me up and take me home.

This may seem counter to the idea that we shouldn’t give anxiety power, but having a way out of a situation can help me lean in to whatever I’m doing knowing that, if I do end up feeling anxious, I can simply step away. A therapist told me that the only failure is not trying. Giving myself an out helps me try something. Then, if I have to leave, I didn’t fail because I at least tried. Most of the time, though, I can stay because I know I can leave.

3. Pack what you need

Like having an escape route, it’s also not a failure to pack things that could potentially help prevent or stop anxiety. For the conference, I brought snacks, minty gum, water, and my anxiety meds. I use hydroxyzine for panic attacks, but most of the time they have the same purpose as the escape route: just having them helps me relax, so I rarely use them.

4. Act normal to feel normal

While I prepped just in case I felt anxious, I did everything else normally. I was a little nervous about lunch, but I accepted a lunch invite anyway. Then I just ate a banana an hour before so that I wouldn’t be too hungry in case I struggled to eat. When I bought food, I didn’t put pressure on myself to finish it, but I ended up finishing it anyway. I also didn’t avoid people. Talking to people is one of the best ways to act and feel normal.

5. Let anxious feelings pass

This skill takes time, and I have written about it in more detail here, but you can let the feeling pass. The key for me goes back to my first point. I don’t assume that the feeling will last, and I don’t try to fix it by leaving or changing anything I’m doing. Rather than “reacting” to the anxious feeling, I acknowledge it but then ground myself in the moment and remind myself that nothing is wrong.

Some things are a little scary, and that’s okay, too, as long as you remind yourself that those will also pass. On Saturday, I pitched my book to three agents in ten minute meetings. When I approached these meetings, I felt a little anxious, but I reminded myself that anyone would be a little anxious in this situation. What I felt was normal. I also knew that the meetings would be short, so even if the anxiety worsened, I would be out of there soon. What happened was I relaxed as soon as I sat down with the agents.

Keep doing courageous things

These examples specifically apply to doing the hard things that are good for us. While I didn’t have extreme anxiety over the conference, I have had extreme anxiety and still been able to apply these strategies to make myself do the courageous thing. A recent example was when I went to a party despite being in the middle of a full-blown panic attack. And I’m so glad I went. Once I was there, my friends distracted me from my worries, and I had a great time.

For some of us, anxiety doesn’t really go away. But whenever we choose the courageous thing, we prove to ourselves that anxiety doesn’t have the last word. We prove that we can do what we want to do, and that we often end up having a great experience despite any anxious feelings. The more we do, the more we believe that we are capable. Going to the conference last weekend was relatively easy compared to things I did back in college before I knew I could do them. It may seem hard now, but I promise it gets easier.

You might even find yourself being addicted to growth and thinking of all of the things you can do now that you have chosen courage. A world of opportunity opens up, and you can step forward without fear.

Keep doing courageous things, friends.