I woke up last night from a dream where I was back in 2006 as a thirteen-year-old. I was still twenty-seven-year-old-me, but somehow trapped in my thirteen-year-old body. And I was the only one who knew what had happened.

The main thought in my mind was what I would do if I had to relive the next fifteen years of my life.

What would I do?

I would do the things I feared.

I would go to every church camp (where I might have met Jon, my future husband). I would have gone to the mission trips to Haiti and Puerto Rico. I would get my license earlier, stick to karate lessons and horseback riding longer, and go to counseling sooner. I would get a summer job.

I would be less judgemental towards others, being more willing to spend time hearing their perspectives. I would reach out more to the people I wanted to be friends with.

I would stay focused on my relationship with God more than on my infatuations. I would spend far less time worrying about the future and college and who I would marry and what I would do with my life.

I wouldn’t change my major or make different friends. I wouldn’t give up on writing or gardening or anything else that matters to me.

I don’t have many regrets, but my deepest ones come from fear and doubting God’s providence.

But as I make this list, I realize that fear still holds me back, and worry still steals my focus.

So what can I do now, with my future head of me?

I can say yes more. I can reach out to more people without worrying about their response. I can stop worrying about my future and trust that God holds it. No fear has stopped God from watering and pruning me and setting me back in the sun to grow. I can rest, and play, and learn. I can follow God with confidence.

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What would you do if you could go back to your thirteen-year-old self?