When I was single (which was my whole life until I was 22), Valentine’s was another reminder that I was still waiting for “the one” to enter my life. 

As an over-thinker, it was difficult to let myself like anyone, date anyone, or even reject anyone without feeling like I could “mess up” God’s plan. 

Trusting God with your future marriage can be very difficult, especially when so much is in your control. 

Do I say yes? Do I say no? Do I wait for divine intervention? What if I ruin everything? 

But deciding to date Jon was easy. That is, after rejecting him once, liking other guys, and being friends with him for three years. The moment that I realized I liked him, though, was like a switch turning on in my mind. I had no doubt. 

How did I move from self-doubt to writing my friend a very forward letter about why we should date? It still baffles me, but it all came down to this: 

God wants us to trust ourselves

God gives us the gift of wisdom so that we can make good choices. I recently heard Chrystal Evans Hurst say in a podcast episode (that everyone with self-doubt should listen to) that God even enjoys watching us make decisions.

God has given us creative power and delights in the ways we actively compose our lives. Chrystal goes on to say that, when we make choices, the Bible helps us to know what a bad choice looks like to help us choose the good.

We can measure our relationships by their fruit

We know that there are behaviors in a man or woman that would be unhealthy or ungodly in a relationship. We know that God wants us to be equally yoked. For me, choosing the “right” person meant watching for signs of righteousness in the relationship. I was able to measure the fruit of our relationship by the fruit of the spirit.

Where there was love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, and self-control, there was a beautiful, fruit-filled relationship that would remain centered on God. 

We have a choice. But we also have help in making that choice.

It wasn’t about finding “the one.” It was about waiting, listening, and trusting–and then actively choosing. It also meant obeying when God closed doors (which God will also do) and watching how God turned bad decisions into something beautiful. 

I have described my story in a previous blog post, which I have shared below. I hope it encourages you as you weave your own story, trusting God with the process. 

Our Story: How God Helped Me Say YES